Ted trailer

Written and directed by Seth McFarlane.

Adaptations are movies too

Hollywood loves source material. Novel, comic book, television show, stageplay; if there’s a pre-built audience they’re bound to take a peek.

After seeing “insert name of most recent novel adapted into a movie” I had a conversation with a friend that went something like this.

“What’d you think of the movie?”

“Meh. Not great. It dragged on after it the resolution. It just wouldn’t end.”

“Yeah, but you gotta understand, that’s how the book was.”

Wait, what? I have to judge the movie based on the book? I don’t think so. Movies and books are different animals. When I watch a movie I have certain expectations based on the ten million movies I’ve seen before. If I didn’t read the book I have no expectations for the story.

Adaptation means making adjustments. Adjustments that allow you to pour the source material’s story into the format of a movie. Let’s face it, you can’t cram a whole book into a movie. It’s not possible. Choices must be made. The job of the screenwriter is to make smart choices that convey the spirit of the book into movie form. Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not giving carte blanche to the screenwriter to add dinosaurs and cyborgs to a Jane Austin novel. But so much importance is placed on the source material that many times people forget it’s a movie. What I’m saying is: respect the medium.

Movies are magic. They thrill and inspire. They make us laugh and cry. They bring people together. Movies have a specific format; American movies at least. The audience knows when a movie is bad and they aren’t forgiving just because, “that’s how the book was.” The movie should retain the feel of the book (to satisfy the existing fan-base) while conforming to movie form (to satisfy those who didn’t read the book). Because at the end of the day that’s how the movie will be remembered.

I want a great movie first and foremost. Then maybe I can have a conversation like this.

“What’d you think of the movie?”

“It was awesome!”

“You think that was good you should read the book.”

FADE OUT.

What will the Los Angeles NFL team be?

Right now there are two groups trying to bring Los Angeles an NFL team. I can’t wait. Like many, I’m a transplant here. And also, like many, my love for my hometown team runs deep. For me it’s Philadelphia Eagles. Seriously, my house has Eagles shirts, jackets, jerseys, signs, trash cans, beer cozies, and inflatable furniture. But I live in Los Angeles now and I need a Los Angeles team to cheer for. The Chargers left us when they were still in pampers; we dated the Raiders in high school but they just wouldn’t put out; we married the Rams and had a couple of kids, but one night we came home and caught the bitch in bed with St. Louis. So we moved to a studio apartment in Silverlake and took up pottery.

Nearly two decades later we could have a new Los Angeles NFL football team! Chances are good we’ll inherit an existing team name. While the Los Angeles Chargers doesn’t sound bad the Los Angeles Bills makes no sense. And just in case they do decide to rename the team I feel compelled to offer my suggestions. Before we end up with the Los Angeles Mucky-Fucks of Anaheim, presented by Verizon.

I present my suggestions for an NFL Los Angeles franchise.